Few True Friends

To those we are most grateful for  ---

I would like to touch base on Thanksgiving.  This year, 2014, has been very challenging for my family and I.  Words can not ever express the gratitude that we feel because of those who have reached out and been supportive.  While I was dwindling away and thinks looked grim with me, the individuals who stopped by and just sat with me while I did god only knows what, is something we will never forget.  Laura and Angelique – I do not remember much but considering the circumstances, I can imagine I was incoherent.  You still sat by my bedside and I am forever grateful.  Sabrina – the support and resources you provided us with and all of the calls you made setting up things or helping us make plans for our sweet angel – we both appreciate you.  You live in PA now yet you still reached out and I am especially grateful for that.  I am grateful for my adopted sister, Veronica.  We did not meet in the best circumstances but what has blossomed between us means the world to me.  Another sweet soul in the world that is young and had no idea what to do, yet she still did something.  Anyone who reached out to me regarding the loss of their child – I will admit.  I felt alone.  A million and one people could have been present and I would have still felt alone.  I am especially grateful for your support because I know it brings up something very difficult to cope with, yet you reached out to me and you were the ones who truly understood what we were going through.  For the love of my life, I am most grateful for you  because when I stood in the middle of a dark hallway trying to determine what I was supposed to feel and how to celebrate and mourn, you took Bee and did what I could not do at that time.  I have been a basket case, especially recently, and you never judge.  You are by my side doing everything in your willpower to put a smile on my face or just let me be so I can somehow cope.  Mum, our beautiful announcements and dealing with family and some friend announcements when I was being bombarded by others, helped tremendously.  My sweet K-bug, I love you.  You are an amazing big sister and the most helpful too.  Laura and my other adoptive mom – you amazing ladies were the ones who helped me pack up Asher’s clothing and take the first step of trying to heal after everything with Madalyn. while my sweet and devoted man did all he could and I appreciate it, there is not a single thing that I could do or say to express how thankful I am that by surprise making easier to   – unbearable.  You  I had no idea what to do since one of my unborn children was diagnosed male and certainly had no penis when at birth – I was stress and overwhelmed.  You let me cry in your arms…you just let me cry when I lost my composure.

If your name was not mentioned above or none of the above general thankful remarks apply to you – I appreciate you too.  I can not stress this enough to all of you who reached out to us – I had no energy to hold myself up and in ways you held me up when I was my weakest.  I love you all and the thankfulness and way I feel about each of you is beyond measure.  You are a piece of my heart and I am blessed for each of you.

I am having a difficult time with it being a year in less than a month.  I have put a shield up and been distant.  Thank you for understanding and checking in on me every once in a while.  I will come around.  I am going through the worst part of my counseling appointments to help me cope and everything that I have – energy wise – I need to focus on that.  I am at the point where we are talking about January 2nd and January 3rd of this year.  Every damn detail and I am not doing well revisiting things and this is my first time discussing things detail by detail.  I can’t rush this so please understand.